Social life beginnings.

So I have been enjoying my job immensely even with the occasionally persnickety/weird/crazy customer. But my co-workers are rather enjoyable to be around. I've been there a month already. ( Can't believe it's been that long already.) So my second month there would fall on my birthday.

Of course with a job also comes a paycheck. Which I've been slightly better at holding on to my money. Now if I were to work full-time I'd probably have a lot more than what I currently get, but they only were offering part-time so...it's all gravy for now. But Friday was the first time I've hung out with a friend in probably....a year or two...which is really a long time to not see anyone. Most of my social interactions are done online, so this was a nice change of pace. I didn't get all fancy because I went right after work and had no time. I didn't even have a camera on me and my phone died...next time I'll remember to keep my charger on me when I'm gonna be going out. So Friday I went to the Willingboro Mart with my friend Rehannah and her friend Anthony ( yay for new friends.) He's pretty cool, and has that randomness that is tolerable, singing random game tunes, imitating voices from shows. My kind of people lol. Got a few things from Mart as well. Let's just say that I spent more than I had intended to, because those little things add up. But what can I say. I need some of them. Never got around to going to Target. I needed to get some shorts...so hopefully next payday that will happen. -crosses fingers- I also got some sweets from the Amish since they're in the mart almost all the time...They make the best fucking red velvet cake ever. It doesn't have that weird after taste that most red velvet cakes have. Also picked up a Michonne figurine for my mom for mother's day.

After leaving the mart, we headed to Tokyo Blue. It's a nice little Japanese restaurant and for the first time in forever I could actually pay for my own food that wasn't like McDonalds. They had pink lemonade which was quite awesome. I really enjoy lemonade. Rehannah and Anthony both had green tea. The meals were quite delish. Again I was the odd man out with appetizers. The only one with soup lol. But I love Miso soup. And that bow was so perfect even if I mostly ate the broth. I kinda can't wrap my head around eating just tofu if it isn't mixed in some way. And I didn't eat the seaweed. I should have though. Everyone had something different when it came to the main meal, but we all shared. Rehannah had Chicken Katsu. Which I need to learn how to make...because it was delicious. Light, but still crispy. Not greasy at all. Anthony had Shrimp Yakisoba. Now...I wasn't a big fan of the shrimp...which is odd because I really do like shrimp. Something about the way it was flavored. Me I had beef teriyaki. Now I asked for Medium well...what I got was medium rare. I could have sent it back, but I didn't want to make big fuss and I ain't sick or dead from eating medium rare. I have to say it was quite different. But it was tender and flavorful. It wasn't a sweet teriyaki like I make at home, but still enjoyable.

For dessert we all had tempura banana and ice cream. I can't really get behind green tea ice cream as I've been put off by the idea on a couple of occasions, but it was pretty good with Vanilla. But it was almost too much banana.

We went back to Rehannah's house afterward. Watched a couple movies. Iron Sky was...interesting. It wasn't the worse in the world but it was a wtf kind of movie. The ending was best though.
Then we watched The Bodyguard which was an action/comedy movie. I cannot for the life of me remember where it hails from country wise. It was pretty good though.

Now there was also anime...I don't know what day we are doing this, but we watched squid girl...and her mannerisms are sea/squid related. ( Stuff like inkvasion and oh my squid.) We have now decided we're gonna have a night where we take shots for every one of those she does. Which means we're gonna be fucked up. I am almost gonna propose I go over on a Thursday night just so I can drink without worry.
Managed to live through 5 minutes of Hetalia....I don't even know what the fuck is happening in that anime. It's just....no I can't. How it became popular is beyond me.

Guin Saga....was interesting. It's about some twin children ( Prince and  Princess) and they're on a quest to bring sovereignty to their country once more. So far they've met up with a man who has a leopard's head. The prince is a pansy and a half. I understand they're children and all, but, he does a lot of whining.


Saturday I went to walmart with my parents. Picked up some things. And started breaking in my new sneakers. Love them so much. Also went to The supermarket. Picked up some whole grain bread, synergy and some seven day candles. After all this I'm not broke lol. Even though I had some things on ebay I had to pay for and even signed up for a gym. The money I can spend...eh that I don't have much of. My savings are all good though. Debating on whether or not I want to get a credit card. Maybe I'll get one on my birthday.

New phone. 

new earrings 

new watch 

I bought two boxes of these. They're an indulgence. Thin as hell and so yummy 

Everything but the mouth wash is all natural. Will be doing reviews on the mouth wash
and the conditioner. 

New incense. Charcoal discs and one of the black candles. 

I look forward to what I'm sure will be my newest addiction. 

New Glam Pie Sneakers and some Ivory wedges my mother bought me . 

New work out shorts. An infinity scarf and a skull bandanna. 

Okay so these are all handmade. These are my leggings. I really had fun making them. They're almost complete. The purple and black pair need to be hemmed and need elastic. The blue ones have to have a gusset added ( they were the first pair I made so they had the most mistakes.)

I also have some new sunglasses which will be featured in another post.

Before bed post

I promise I wasn't as pissy as I look in this photo. But in the past couple days I've been cleaning. I'm a bit of a pack rat and have been for a long time. Right now I'm just tired though. Part of it being my sleep schedule I know, but I'm sure there's more to it. I didn't celebrate on the Spring Equinox, but plan to celebrate Easter instead. Although the Year began almost three months ago, I have thing I want to accomplish. One of them is getting over my fears of being watched. I really have an issue with it. I will even cover magazines in the bathroom. I don't feel like I can really enjoy myself dancing in my room. Maybe it'll be better since I figured out how to get the door to shut completely and can lock it.   I really want to hoop. Been trying off and on for a couple years. My room isn't big enough to do so. Outside is best....but my brothers have a habit of watching...and it's really nerve wracking. Especially when I don't notice them. It's like some off-stage form of stage fright. Yes I know that sentence is contradictive.


What I really need is a full cleanse. I need to eat better, think better, live better. Somewhere in the darkest parts of myself I have pushed all my problems there because I didn't know how to deal with them. All I can do now is just let them go. Would probably be part of a seven day cleanse. The one part that will be difficult is the food part. Since I don't work currently and have no money to my name, the only person I can at least attempt to get help from is my mom. My dad and brothers poke fun at me and my wanting to eat healthy and are sorta ass backwards in their "understanding." I know sometimes they mean well, but I'm overly sensitive sometimes and don't take things too well. I may even push pass 7 days and do an entire month. I have the knowledge and internet at my disposal. But I really need the support and will power.

My mind is my biggest problem. There is many years of self-doubt and second guessing. Self-hate and believing the negative word of others with very few voices to say otherwise.  I'm trying not to get too emotional while writing this. I don't really want to be crying again since it's what kept me from sleeping a couple nights ago. I need to meditate at least 15 minutes a day. Take time to just not think too damn much. It's probably one of my biggest problem. From the time I wake till I go to sleep. It's also the source 95% of stress I have. Hell I'm too straight laced for my own good. Always been that way. Always too afraid to disobey my parents, didn't drink till I was 21. I don't smoke...anything, though if I did I'd probably be much happier. I don't much care for the smell of weed though...perhaps something else that's natural...with supervision. My family thinks it would be funny to see me rather unhinged.

The body is the second biggest problem. Not gonna talk goals just history with trying to lose weight. I always hated gym class. When I was younger I really didn't care about my body at all. I would eat after school and then just go right to sleep. Taking a shower just seemed like a pain in the ass and I only did it because it was necessary. I couldn't fit the cute trendy clothes which made me feel even worse and the clothes I did like that I could wear my parents made fun of. I was the goth girl ( who am I kidding I still am.) and lolita style. Strangely lolita was the one style no one in school really questions. Probably because I was the only one in school and I got a lot of compliments. I still like it, but I'd have to make it a little more adult for my liking. About three years ago When I first really started losing weight, I got into a bad spot. I was very obsessive about how much I lost. I would weigh myself before and after going to the bathroom in the morning and after just about every meal. I had the only FDA approved weight loss pill out there ( which is no fucking fun at all, but it does work.), but I monitored my eating habits like a fiend. I was a calorie counter and would rarely go past about 1000 calories sometimes less. Drank green tea and water most of the time. Senna tea was a regular not that I needed it. My system is pretty regulated. I would work out 4 hours a day. Before or after work depending on my schedule. I knew it was really bad when I took an enema. I even made one since it's really nothing more than salt water. But I was losing weight. When I hit the plateau and couldn't get past it for months I stopped. I had burned out. It was about 6 months. If I had known how to break the plateau back then my hard work wouldn't have been in vain. Though I would try to start up I couldn't keep with it. And I still have issues with weighing myself and even checking my measurements way too frequently. I have much more knowledge now.


 My baby brother said he'd be my work out buddy. Not sure how well that will work out, and he won't go out in the cold, so I'll probably start without him. I just have to let go and do what I know has worked for me. One of those activities is dancing. I know the body type I have. Will most likely have to go back on the weight loss pill much too my dismay. But my kid brother cooks with way too much butter and oil. And I don't get too cook often mostly because they keep saying I make diet food -_________-;;; I'm just very particular about how I prepare my food. I really want my family to eat better, but they're really stubborn. My baby brother is the only one who isn't over weight, he wants to be fit especially since he intends on joining the Air Force. But I can't even get them to give up soda. I haven't had soda in about 5 years now, maybe longer. Seltzer and Sparkling water help when I need fizz, but even then it's rare. But my choices of drink are limited. Sometimes all we have is kool-aid. I don't drink from the tap because it tastes like chlorine. I'm only one person though. I can't force them, but I feel like sometimes I'm being forced to eat a way I don't want to. Portion sizes can only take me so far and I'm not even a vegetarian. Though are times I will forgo meat until dinner. Which is pretty good. I'm just really hoping for some kind of change.


So right now my list of goals for 30 days:

• Make exercising a habit, 30 minutes minimum 
• Make meditation a habit. 
• Regulate my sleeping habits. 
• Reduce my sugar intake ( seriously it's pretty terrible.) 
• Put myself first.
• Get back into yoga.
• Fix my eating. 

The eating thing...Even if it isn't clean as I would like it. I can at least stop some of my more terrible habits, which includes eating way too fast and going back for thirds. There are some foods in which I would like to have seconds at dinner. Usually foods that we don't have too often like baked mac and cheese. Late night eating needs to stop as well. Less sweets. This is my worse habit I think. I love cakes and cookies. I prefer homemade stuff, but I have very poor self-control when it comes to edible sweets being in the house. Something always goes well with milk or hot tea. I also have problems with sugar. White sugar I loathe but it's all we have. Usually if I have a substitute, like Stevia or honey, I'm pretty okay. And even almond milk helps me use less sugar. I don't think I can just give up having a sweetener for tea or oatmeal which are my staples. Even as a coffee fiend it's something I prefer to have on weekends as a treat. But I need my tea. 

Well time for bed. It's almost 5 in the morning and I have a lot of prep work and stuff to do tomorrow. 

Hello New Year

I know this post is like way over due and I'm sorry about that. I really haven't had much to blog about. I will have another blog post tomorrow that's more exciting than a simple text post, but I thought an update would be nice.  I am currently in the process of applying/registering for college. I'll be taking the placement test Thursday and I have a bit of studying to do before then. I'm going for game design and development which is really right my alley. As much as I like fashion and making clothes, drawing is more my speed and something I truly enjoy. I have gained mainly due to my own laziness and I'm trying to kill all my bad habits pretty much cold turkey. Hopefully by the end of the week, my room will be clean and organized and I can start back up again. But I'm gonna definitely get into the habit of walking daily again. Finding a job is still a difficult task. I really hope I find something soon, mostly because I am planning to get my examination license for driving. I wanna be able to save for a car as well as school supplies. I'm going to need a desktop and a more up to date laptop with more room than what I currently have.