5 exp needed for next level up.

Oh yes I soon will be hitting 26 and to be honest I'm still feeling more awake and aware than ever. I have many posts I want to do, but I'm still working out the work vs social life thing lol. I've only had one social outing since I started working. But what can you do. Now today was a bit annoying because I had to get my brother a screen for his chromebook. 60 bucks. As if my check wasn't short enough. Not anyone's fault it's just how my days had worked out. Then I went out and spent more than intended. My rent will just have to be given all next pay check. -sighs-

At any rate. I will be applying for my first credit card. Which will help me in a lot of ways. Like you don't even understand. And I'm about to embark on an epic amount of sewing. I think I'll wait till the end of the month before I do another haul Post. I may even start doing some vids as well. We'll see. I don't know what I could offer vid wise honestly I guess maybe I can do an intro plus some Q&A so if you have any questions you want me to answer in a vid leave them in the comments.

I still need to work on my terrible habits. I haven't been binging...but my eating habits have been really terrible and since I keep no cash on hand I have yet to go to the gym.. ugh. I just need to stop putting it off and just go. I'll just have to work around my schedule as best I can. And set aside money just to take the bus. I think 30 for two weeks should be good. u____u

Also gonna sell a few pairs of my shoes. That haven't been worn. Two pairs I can't really fit which breaks my heart but they'll be better going off to good homes instead of collecting dust in my closet. Also gonna sell a wig that I don't wear. It'll be for the best and it's a little extra money in my pocket.

A big post about love and stuff.

At the beginning of the year I decided to not really pursue the man that I really really really liked and still really adore. But I needed a break from the craziness and not seeing what results I expected...and not only what I expected but even a friend and her boyfriend had expected. We all thought it would go better than what is actually happening. Although I don't think he's aware. That I've stopped but at the moment he has been going through some stuff and all I can do is be supportive.

But I also decided to take time away from something I've not even truly experienced. Part of it is because I realized I didn't love myself....like almost at all. It's barely a spark of agape, but it's been better this year. I'm following through with a lot o what I need to get done for myself. Slowly but surely. I'm registered for school full time. I have a part-time job and I'm getting better at spending my money. While  there are still things I need and things I need to nip you in the butt, it's better. I was at a point where I felt like maybe I could love myself more if I knew someone else could love me. Which is the worst way to go about things. Don't get me wrong. The man I'm speaking of.... he really meets a lot of what I would want in a mate. Sure he says and does some things that pisses me off, but no one's perfect and I can't get hung on 2 fucking percent. They're not major things either. But he is someone I get along with so well and is into a lot of what I am and shares similar quirks.

But I know some of his insecurities as well and his fears, and I can't change them. It's something that he has to do...and if you're wondering. I do think we fit together very nicely.

This year though I have to focus on other things. I don't know if I will date and really don't know if I could handle it. The idea is enough to make me anxious. I would love to, but I don't have the confidence or enough skill in that area. I didn't date in high school and chasing boys....I need a man, not a boy. I'm 26. Not rushing to get married, but definitely don't know if I have the patience to deal with...just dating different people. Because there is a difference between dating and going steady/being in a relationship type dating.

It's a process and I don't think I can say I envy girls who can just pull any guy they want. Or who've been in different relationships. I just am the type of person that right now I want to meet that one person who I can just be with.  I sound like I'm rambling, but it's what's going on with me and the realm of love.

I am focusing on self-love before I focus on love from another person.

The weight loss post.

Weight loss is hard. It is very trying and there are tons of things that have to be considered before hand. I see a lot of Gals blogging about it, but mine is a rather on going problem. I know how to do the work, and what I must do. But my struggles lie mostly with food. While my body hasn't rejected all forms of unhealthy food. I am proud to say that soda and overly processed candy are things that I can give up. I know where I can get my need for fizz and sweet, without sacrificing. Now I do not diet. Dieting is stupid. I prefer the lifestyle change, which honestly I'm trying to impose on my family. My mother especially since she wants to lose weight. But she has to make the transition on her own.

At current I am 220 lbs..just 4 lbs away from my highest which was about 4 years ago. It only recently began going back and I refused to be this heavy. Having a job now should help with some of that. Even if it's only part time. I'm on my feet for at least 5 hours a day. With pay day coming up I have some things I need to get. Including Arch supports. Right now this is probably the biggest need for exercise. I am very flat footed which makes cardio rather difficult to get through. And at the end of a work day my heels hurt for hours. Being heavy and being flat footed is really a terrible combination. And unless we have water bottles in the house. I don't even bother with water.

The reason food remains a problem is poor eating habits. When I had the leisure of going to bed at 3 and 4 in the morning there was no question I was eating something late. Usually between 12-2. Not to mention my dad always keeps cookies or donuts in the house....which is probably my biggest weakness. And I typically would typically eat them at the computer.


So how will I be fixing this....Now because I'm considerably over weight I do have a goal. But I'm deciding not to list it because I'm older and I don't know how my body will look. Not to mention I don't want to start burning myself out the way I did years ago. I would do mostly morning workouts, but having to be at work at 9 some days, that's cutting it close to do a work out at 8 in the morning. So a workout afterward won't be hard. Any days I work later than 9 and it's possible for me to do at least a 30 minute work out. In total I would love to do 1-2 hours of working out. I have plenty of workout vids and I learned that soon a bellydance class will be taught at the rec. center near my house. Love bellydance. I know cardio is really the best for burning fat, even if I can't get some jogging in, which I would only do if my brother comes with me. Dancing and youtube is really my best friend. Because of my body type ( which is adrenal) A lot of my issues also stem from stress and not enough sleep. I am supposed to actually get 9 hours of sleep but it's very difficult even if I go to bed at a decent time. I can usually wake up with just 6 hours without my alarm. Lately I'm getting 7 to 8 hours. If I can sacrafice my eleven o'clock tv time I can get about 9 hours.

The food situation...I'm most likely going to have for go having at least red meat before dinner time. I just have to find recipes that are good and healthy. I only get a 15 minute break at work so I also need quick meals. And I need to stop with the white bread. It's really terrible. But because my family is frugal ( not to mention they really just seem to like white bread.) So I'm gonna have to take at least 100 dollars at some point and just buy enough mostly for err, break food which could be lunch or dinner. And There are a lot of flavors I want to try . I also need to get on with doing some meditation and yoga, I am not as flexible as I used to be. My mind is always racing too, and I need to take time for it to be quiet and relax.


Plan of Action. 

• Get a britta filter water bottle for daily use
• Occasionally treat myself with home made sweets or dark chocolate. 
• Work out 2 hours a day. 
• Make sure to cook a meal at least 2 hours in advance for work purposes. 
• Eat more Fruits and Veggies
• No more koolaid or powdered "drinks." 
• Raw Sugar and Stevia
• Goat's milk and Almond milk
• Learn to go to bed earlier
• Yoga and meditation daily 

This seems like I won't have much time to myself to be honest. Minus days off. And I know there won't be many of those when I start school. But it takes 21 days to form a habit. So I gotta get to work on this asap. 

Goal: Honestly I just want to be fit and healthy. I'm not gonna set a number goal in terms of weight or even body fat percentage. Well not publicly. It's in my mind already. And I hope to reach it. 

Current Status: Struggling but trying to keep up with at least weight lifting, till I get get my arch supports. 

Evolution

Alright as I stated in a previous post I would show you the evolution of my hair and makeup. I decided doing it all in one fell swoop would be easier than trying to do two separate ones. Man going through these old photos.... 

So the first batch were the last of me having dreadlocks and after I cut them off I needed a wig which my friend helped me do :3. 

I only had my nostril pierced so I was probably about 19 here. I was  really into Kat Von D's  face tattoos. I did them with liquid liner . I stopped when other people started doing it. 

This was the first quick weave I ever had. I don't have that bunny barrette anymore.  And apparently not smiling was a thing for me. ( Not that I was happy to begin with.) I was still just barely grasping makeup. 

I was also very into scene hair/style so the back is teased and I have one of those little crowns. 

I was probably about 19 or 20 here. I didn't wear my wig anymore since I got my first flat iron. I was still drawing stars at this point. Still no smile. 

You can see my fuzzy leg warmers in the background. That fringe from the first  picture is very much present.

From 20 to 21. By now you should know I was a bit of a cam whore. I was over weight ( though from these pictures you can't really tell.) But I was fairly uncomfortable with taking full body shots. 

I think I stopped with the face " tattoos" after I turned 21 but I was about 20 here.
My eyeliner was pretty good here. And the Bat necklace was from my mama. And I wore it everyday. 

I think was probably the first wig I bought. Pastel colors are easier  for me to pull off. And I believe those are my first lashes. I still have that stuffed Lamb who had been affectionately named Ruka. 

This is a wig I made. I was working at the time. And this was a day off.  Those are my reading glasses, which I managed to lose....Not sure how. 

This wasn't my wig, at an ex-friend's house. I was a big fan of pink eye shadow .

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This was my not my 21 first birthday but I was of age and if I'm not mistaken  going to my first drag show...Yes that is my friend in Drag behind me.

This was 22 through perhaps 23

I had gone to otakon, gotten my first tattoo, Managed to mess up my favorite wig, Made another wig and wore some rather curious things. 

 Not my bathroom, I didn't even realize it was in the picture before I posted it....least it's clean.

 This would have been a lot better if it wasn't blurry, but that was a poorly made dress. I am not even gonna front about this.

 Sort've smiling here.

This was pretty okay, makeup style wise...I was terrible at cutting bangs, but I still like it. This was even before circle lenses.

 The last two are the only full body shots I have from back then...and I don't even know what to tell you. I am really busty... and had the poorest sewing skills among other things.. I lost a lot of clothes that I really wish I had, they got lost in the move. 

Gonna show you the best pictures from the time before the move.

I really love these two photos. ( And I miss the hoodie and this jacket) But I had a lot better grasp on makeup by now. I hardly wore a full lash band if I wore lashes at all. I had stayed with just wearing gloss mostly. But I really enjoy these a lot. 

 Now this was months before the move. I was into Udoli ( which I still love just haven't done). I still have this hat. Makeup wasn't perfect but worlds better than when I started. ( I wish I had some of my makeup looks from high school. ) 

 Udoli makeup after the move. I still straightened my hair then. It was just about shoulder length. I cut my own bangs too. 

 This was either before or when I was working.  The one below I was working for sure. Only way I could afford some of my oddities. 

I was 22 in all these photos. Putting on makeup and taking pictures was the only pastime I had since I didn't have my own computer. 

This was my earliest attempt at gryaru. 

I really enjoy doing different looks. Again pastel wigs always suited me better. I'm sure I could wear other darker colors but I hate wasting money on wigs if they won't suit me. 

This was actually the second time I had cut my hair. I had wanted to reduce my use of heat when doing my hair but I was also very new to doing natural hairstyles. 

More Udoli makeup. I think this was my favorite. 

 Ushering in 2011 I actually had an Amy Winehouse wig and was chit chatting with a friend from NC. 

I look bored but I wasn't lol. Not Udoli makeup 

2011 was when I really did my makeup well. I want to apologize to anyone of latin descent. I was ignorant to the phrase Cultural Appropriation when I did this Sugar Skull makeup. Even though I really like it. But I had watched endless vids on doing makeup and was determined to be able to do the basics. As well as the extreme. 

 This is from 2012 if I'm not mistaken. I was on unemployment so I bought myself some clothes. This was probably the only full body shot I had really taken. Though for my particular body shape these weren't the best choices. But I don't look bad either. And apparently I had on one of my better bras. 

I was getting more into Gyaru makeup by now. Trying my best to get the makeup down. I had no photoshop and quite frankly I don't think I need it. Even for the blemishes I sometimes get. I am very much a fan of circle lenses and have quite a few pair over the last few years. Brown, Green, Pink, Purple and Gray. I've had a black pair but they made me look high or something. But so far I've worn these colors well, especially the grey ones. I will be getting more in the future. 

Now I've only got one from this year so far. But it's posted on my blog already haha. 

Hoping to have more looks beyond just hair and makeup. 

Life Updates

I need to make more of these. <3 

So if you guys follow me on twitter or facebook, you'll know I finally got a job. It was about time that's for sure. So now I will be able to save up for things, like clothes. But I have 20% discount at my job...which means funding my sewing projects haha. It's only part time, but that's all good. It will make it easier for the time being. I want to have time to work out and actually do other things. This sounds worse than I intend. But the last job I had, not only were the hours all over the damn place. I almost never had time for anything including social activities. Social activities already have to be planned like days in advanced. Not even sure if clubbing would be in the future. -shrugs-



Anyway I have a few things I would like to get that are needed more or less.

The LG Optimus Elite. I definitely need a new phone. My old one was starting to flip out a bit. I have no luck with contract phones and if I wanted an iPhone I can actually get one from virgin mobile. But this one is nice and with the times lol. I'll just have to get a case to deco to my liking. For 35 bucks a month, which gets me 300 minutes, unlimited data and texting. I have no qualms paying a little extra for a nice phone. I'm sure some of you are wondering why I would choose such low minutes. Truth be told I don't have that kind of talking bug. I never had that habit in high school and have no reason to be talking on a phone all day. Especially when I can just text. The minutes could just be saved for emergencies. -shrugs- 

I also need to by a new tablet. This is a wacom bamboo tablet. It's a little more expensive than my first one, but this is one of the better quality ones under 100 dollar. If I were going to really splurge it would be the one that's 1200 bucks but I can see what I'm drawing on the tablet itself a not have to look at the screen. Not that I have too much trouble doing that. I'll probably get them in the order posted because I technically need the phone first. 

For anything else, it's going into savings. I will be doing line art commissions as soon as I get the new tablet so I can have extra money. Most of my money will be put into savings. And I'll just have a jar to save up for shopping spree of any kind. I haven't really looked into any type of clothing that I would like for the season though I intend on looking into some more expensive bras that will last a little longer. Saving money is probably one of the habits I've never been able to do well. It's something I do to make myself feel better instead of eating. If I could maybe channel that into exercise I might be able to do it. But also...there's always so many tempting things on the internet. Especially since I'm a crafter. But I promise to make an effort to not spend every penny I have on everything I want in that moment. If I have off next weekend I'm hoping to go back to the flea market to maybe get a hookah. And some of my favorite hair products. Yes to Carrot or Yes to cucumber. One of the best hair care products in my opinion. And I plan to splurge on the Iman bb cream at some point. It's gonna be summer time soon and full on foundation is a little too heavy and will melt I'm sure. 

Also apparently sometime soon we're supposed to be moving....not far from where we are now. It's like across  the  roadway. I'm sorta whatever about it. Heard that the rooms are bigger...which is nice. Always could use a bigger room. I would just hope that the damn ceilings/walls aren't as awkward as they are in my room.. I forget what kind of ceiling it is exactly but it puts me in the mind of a barn, the ceiling itself is flat but like half the wall is slanted and it sorta pisses me off. But a new house with more space would be nice. I could probably get some actual dressers. 

Truthfully hoping to have more to post about. Even if I only get out like once or twice a week. Better than nothing. South/Central Jersey and Philly Gals where you at? Loved to hang out. 

Upcoming Posts: 

Hair and makeup evolution. 

Weight Loss progress and a look at my Regimen 

Mentally underwhelmed.

Not leaving the house on a somewhat consistent basis, is very depressing. I've actually still been to scared to leave my house since the incident two weeks ago. Even if there's a chance of encountering those assholes again It's only the second time in my life I've been threatened. The fact that it was racially charged makes it worse. So I apologize for the lack of social posts lol. Me and a best friend had a bit of a heated discussion. Well I consider it heated because it's the first time I feel she's actually been angry at me..like seriously angry. But it made me realize that I don't get a lot of intellectual conversation no matter what the topic it is. True to my geminian nature, I crave knowledge, I love to learn. Even though she's right, we're in a time where certain things there is very little energy to spare on certain topics, I don't have anyone to really converse with on regular basis about anything I find particularly interesting. I feel like someone would either get bored with me,  piss me off, or I'll be in a position where I may not have an answer and possibly look stupid. 

A conversation like I had tonight makes me feel as if I should keep things to myself though. Something I'm used to, but really wish I didn't have to do, more often than not it's personal things, but when it's not personal it just feels lonely. Not that the feeling is completely alien to me either. 

I think right now I'll do just that. Keep things and opinions to myself at least when conversing with friends. 

There's Magick Afoot.

So yesterday was Easter. We didn't really do anything. My mom and brother's sat down for Walking Dead and Game of Thrones. Me... I was up here working hehe. I won't tell you all that I did. But I gave myself a tarot reading, which I have to say was pretty fucking accurate.

 So first let me show you the spaces so far. This of course is the main altar, that I do work at. I found some fabric in my stash, perfect for spring. The stick will  be made into a wand soon. I am an air sign and since I'm not bound to any specific rules I think it's one of the few altar tools I need.

 

 This is a faerie Altar. I need a few more gems. But it has some purple lights that I bought for Halloween a couple years ago. That is an egg candle, which was a semi success ^^;;

 This is a close up of a the faerie bed. It's just a nice place for them to rest should they stop by or in need a rest after working with them. It was an old case for contacts, I just painted the top and sides and dusted with blue and purple glitter.

And here's the spot for Lord Ganesha. It's right beside the faerie altar, mostly due to limited space. Just some golden yellow cloth, with a pink trim. I think it's very fitting considering how simple it is.

Now on to the good parts right? Sorta.  This is just a preview to how the altar looks lit up. I don't have just one deity with whom I work with, there are several. But I do keep chalices. The one on the left is filled with healing spring water, from South Carolina. Can I tell you how delicious that water is. It is so pure and clean. The chalice on the right has sake in it. I didn't know what the spirits and deities would like. And my Sake hadn't been open. And I think it was a good that there was a choice. Some deities do have specifics when it comes to "Adult" beverages and I will honor that when I can.

This was actually the best photo I could get of the faerie and Ganesha altars lit up. They wouldn't let me have clearer close up even though I really tried. It's all good though.

 The altar lit in color. Candle on the far left there is a seven day candle. We generally light them for protection. But they do have some specific meanings when you delve into the different colors. Mine is white with the The Virgin Mary on front.

Close up of the tarot reading that I will allow. Just a three card spread nothing fancy. Though with all the candles going I don't think it would have been great to do something too big ^^;;;  All in all, it was a great night. I had trouble getting to sleep though. I managed 3 hours. Hopefully going to bed early will help with that.