I have been cleaning and organizing my altars since yesterday. My main one, plus two small ones on top of my the book shelf ( That holds more than just my magick books currently. ) One for the faeries and the other for Lord Ganesha. I've got others to work on, including one for a few Egyptian deities, and another that's on that is opposite my main altar. It feels good to clean these area and I'm liking how they're coming together. Currently the main altar is dressed for spring. I had a horrendous wave of depression two nights ago as I tried to go to sleep, and ended up taking a three hour nap at about 9 in the morning. So this was definitely needed.
But my brother came to me about an hour ago talking about working at a walmart in Deleware.
Now I'm not anti-social just awkward and anxious. As I've stated in a previous post I rarely get out for social occasions with friends. In fact it has been well over a year since I've hung out with friends...It's pretty damn sad. However the idea of having to move down to DE even for a seasonal job doesn't sit well with me at all. I know my parents would probably say you're just going to work even if it's a few months what's the big deal.
The big deal is, that my internet connection is the only real communication with friends. My closest friends live in various other places in which I don't have the means to visit, but I talk to them online regularly. My grandparents have internet, but it's only for their computer, and I don't think they'd pay for a router just because I'm there. It's not for a week or even two weeks. It's for 2-3 months maybe longer...I cannot deal with lack of internet even if it's mainly for social connections. I don't make friends easily in person. And going to a McDonalds at hours of the day I'm sure would not be appreciated by my grandparents. This also means I will be away from my sewing machine, altars and game systems. I'm sure my dad would fuss and say I don't need to bring my "Life's Story" with me if I end up going. I love my grandparents, but I can't really go months without my internet. Even just outside the social thing, I use my internet for art inspiration, and when something peaks my interest. And if I need information it's right at my finger tips. Truth is when I'm home and awake, the internet is my connection to everything else. Not ashamed to say I depend on the internet, because let's face it even the libraries are going to have outdated or no information on most of what I'm interested in. The whole idea irks me ...I know I sound like a child complaining/ranting like this. But this is a pretty big deal, and while yes it would be nice to not be under my parents roof, being under my grandparents roof wasn't the next option I'd have in mind.
I know what you mean. I do go out a bit more, I'd have to say, but I'm kinda home-bound myself, due to a lack of monetary resources ; u ; And libraries are annoying. Like, you go in there wanting to find books on astrology, witchcraft, or metaphysics, but all the books you find will be "The History of [insert subject here]." Like, fuck.
ReplyDeleteAnd having internet is good for the information available to you, so long as your mind can fathom. I get bored so easily without the internet, I couldn't imagine what I'd do without it. Especially since I don't game as much as I use to (because games get boring fast).
Yea having no money sucks. And the few friends who live fairly close don't visit and two of them can drive. But my internet is great when I need tutorials for sewing or a walk-through for my games as well. Wish I could go out more often and at least have a phone. It would definitely help with some of my computer dependency a little bit and I wouldn't feel so isolated.
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